headnoize: Loveline

Holy motherfucking shit. Can you believe the number of posts I've made this week? It's a new record! <snicker>

I hate this week. This week officially sucks ass. Are they're any notorizers out there that could actually make this legally sound? Grrrrrrr.

I've been feeling quite a bit of aggression recently, I'm not entirely sure why this is. I know it's always been underneith everything and all that shit. I think it was repressed a good deal by the whole relationship with Andrea went a good long way to supress all of this and whatnot. And now that the stablization of all of that is gone, it's come flooding back to some extent, and it's very interesting to adjust and remember how to handle all of this. But I can say that it has been a somewhat astoundingly driving force within my writing the past couple days... A good example being tonight after I finished my exam for one of my Studio classes, and then proceeded to pump out 3 pieces I'm very happy with in a matter of maybe 15 minutes... and one of them was even somewhat of an experiment on my part which I was really happy with in the end. And the thing is, I think I can harness this now a lot better than I was ever able to before this latest chapter in my life. A lot of you reading this right now don't entirely have any idea what the hell I'm talking about and whatnot, and don't entirely worry about it. Really all that matters is that I've become my own muse of sorts. I'm self reliant. I feel like I'm getting back to a point where I don't need anyone again. And I know there are people that are going to hate this, since in some ways, I've been reverting in some ways back to the way I was before Andrea became a part of my life. But at the same time there has been a semi-profound transformation, and I have become nothing like I have ever been before. I am a new entity, I am a new self, and I'm molding myself the way I think is the best for me. Right now I'm at the point where I'm saying, "fuck everyone else," and I'm going to do whatever the fuck I want and all this shit is for me from now on. And really that's kind of my outlook, I don't give a fuck about being selfish, I'm fucking living my life for myself. And if someone has a problem with that, they can go fucking themselves in the ass with a well lubricated chainsaw.

So in summary... This is my life. Fuck everyone else. I'm all about me from now on. Anyways, I've got some shit I want to go take care of, so you can all piss off ;) I'll post again soon, no idea when, I guess you'll have to wait an see. With any luck, I'm going to keep up this relative pace... going to try to post at least once every couple days, even if it is me saying crazy shit like this. Who knows, we'll see. Have a good night. <wave>

- Posted 00:10 by Mabelrode